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Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Razbliuto: Chapter 1
The following is something of a change on this blog. It has nothing to do with comics, movies or music except in the most tangential way. It's a memoir of sorts chronicling certain events in my life starting from the middle of 2007. It's a risky enterprise because how the following drama played out (and is continuing to play out) is so emotionally taxing. That goes for all involved, not just me. I'm playing with dynamite here by just embarking on this series. I promise to play carefully though. I have changed the names of everyone (except myself). I will not insult or libel anyone. I will do my best to be fair to everyone even though there are some people in this story I have nothing but tremendous negative feelings towards (well, only one person really).
It's important for me to share this information rather than just keeping it on a constant loop in the theatre of the mind. I can't afford a therapist. I go over all of this with my friends sometimes but there's something about writing it as one long story that I hope will grant me a new perspective and help me out in someway. Not to mention this is a good way for me to learn how to write a serial narrative. My mind is clouded with caffeine right now, my second favorite legal drug, and if it wasn't perhaps my hesitations would get the best of me. But here we are. The words "No! Don't do it!" are ringing in my head. But the words of Wendell Pierce, Bunk of The Wire, are ringing louder. He said a creative person should "never be afraid to be private in public."
If you're a fan of Adrian Tomine's work but always wished there to be no pictures and more Jews than this is the story for you. Dig in!
How many times should I have stopped caring about this woman? My mind can't shake her. She lived in there before I saw her in front of me.
When I was younger, before sex mattered (I didn't know what it was), I imagined being married to a woman with dark shoulder length hair who favored dark clothing and could match me intellectually no matter what. That really was what mattered to me when I was in grade school and thought Batman was the height of American fiction. Granted,that's not how I would have put it at the time. I was probably thinking more along the lines of how awesome it would be if she laughed at all my jokes and liked the same stuff I did.
I was quite inebriated when she appeared before me at Johnny and Lucille's party. For a second I thought she was a ghost. I knew people could drink enough that they would hallucinate but I had never experienced such a thing. Then I remembered when Lucille introduced us to each other very briefly when I entered the party. The woman I had always thought about had escaped the prison of my mind. Reality felt a little less real. I liked that.
I asked her if she went to SF State, where I was finishing my senior year. She said no, she was actually going to law school. I told her that since I'll be graduating school soon I've given law school a lot of thought. She talked me out of it. She said it's a lot of work, far more than any undergraduate was used to. She made it clear that you had to be really serious about being a lawyer if you were going to attend law school. You shouldn't do it just for the degree which basically was my mindset at the time.
She spoke with true authority. While she was telling me all this she was kneeling down. She chose that position so we could make eye contact as my drunken body was resigned to the puffy chair I sat in. She never seemed subservient in that position. Here was a beautiful woman in a simple black dress. She had a breathy voice and an open face. She knelt down before me but she was clearly the one in charge. I was transfixed by her. I was under her control but I knew I had a benevolent master. I thanked her for her advice. She returned my gratitude and walked away, leaving the party soon after. Soon my body actually managed to stand up. Perhaps I was reinvigorated by her presence. I told Lucille in as much excitement as I could muster that her friend Lola was "a classical beauty." This was how an English major asks "where has this person been all my life?"
Lucille was very excited that I felt this way. She rushed me to another room and proceeded to write a Lola instruction manual. She wrote down how Lola was a sensitive person, always determined to grow emotionally and intellectually. She worshiped Lucille, which was key. I was told that she was very sensual/sexual. Lucille knew this first hand as she and Lola had something of a bisexual tryst in high school. Did that excite me? There I was in my early-twenties, gobsmacked by a raven haired siren. I was being told by another beautiful woman that said siren had as much of an appreciation for the female form as I did (and probably had more experience with it). Was I excited? What do you think?
I also learned she was an immigrant. Her family were Jewish transplants from Russia. She had come with them when she was very young which is why she had an American accent. The Jewish side of my family was also from Russia and had to flee (as Jews tend to do) in the early 20th Century, ending up in the holy land of Glasgow, Scotland (my parents came to California from the U.K. when my Mom was pregnant with me). Here was something Lola and I had in common. I was in.
A masterpiece of a woman and she and I actually had a few substantial things in common. Lucille told me that if I ask Lola out I should tread carefully becuase she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I told Lucille I would.
Too bad Lola already found her new beau at the party. No, it wasn't me.Labels: razbliuto
Permanent Link: 3:05 PM |
3 comments
Comments:
Hey, "razbliuto"! One of my favorite untranslateable terms! Although it's been so long since I've heard anyone use it...actually, I've never heard anyone use it, but it's Russian for something like "the feeling that remains after you're no longer in love with someone," right?
Anyway, that's really neither here nor there. I found this pretty enjoyable reading, though!
# posted by Jeff Lester : 7:23 PM
I like this so far, Ian. You're very self-deprecating, which is important when you're taking first steps into semi-auto biographical.
Looking forward to seeing the rest.
Sorry I haven't been commenting lately, if you care.
I try to support my blogging friends by commenting.
# posted by AaronM : 7:24 PM
Jeff- Your definition is correct. The term (and its nationality) applies to a few places here.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Of all the people who reviewed my story in Comic Foundry #1 I thought yours was the best and most surprising! I will be interested to hear what you think as this story heads into darker territory.
Aaron - Thanks, man!
# posted by Ian : 7:31 PM
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